Is This Technically Fraternizing?
by ceilidh-kay
Summary: Or titled; To Follow My Own Path; Sabertooth story. Well a female feral has to be the go between for the X-Men and the Brotherhood. Diary entry style. Not too graphic, but T for some violence and hormones.
1. Chapter the first

Thursday

**AN- This is a story I wrote while on holiday in Ireland. I couldn't charge my computer at the 200 year old forge I was staying in so I had to save the battery until I got to Scotland. This is about a young feral mutant who was attending college outside of Xavier's institute. She wanted to be an X-man but . If I write about her hair or nails growing really fast or something like that it's because her mutation is more skewed toward healing-regenerating-than toward heightened senses.**

**Oh, and I was reading Bridget Jones so I decided to make this in diary entries.**

**Review! Tell me what you think, give me feedback, correct my errors, just tell me you read it!**

Thursday

Professor Xavier called. Was a bit odd having my old principle-type-person call me when I'm in college but w/e, it was nice to hear from him.

Weird though; he asked, and this isn't a quote, if I could do a huge favour for him. He wants me to come in this weekend, he said he didn't want to go into it over the phone.

Makes me a little nervous, I mean if he'd just wanted a baby-sitter…but then again, I just graduated, no one'd take me seriously.

Guess I'll just have to wait for the weekend, maybe I can get Xavier to help me w/my English paper…hee hee.

Friday

Xavier asked if it'd be ok if he sent Scott to pick me up.

I told him that was fine; I wonder why he can't wait for me to drive up tomorrow instead?

Later

Well, I've over packed my over-night bag as usual. I feel stupid for not asking how long I'd be back at school. Hmm..I need to cut my hair again-2nd time this week, you know, sometimes this mutation of mine can be so annoying :P

Saturday

When we finally got there-poor Scott needs a vacation btw- Xavier had a _very_ important phone call so I just took his mind telegraphed advice and went up to bed. This whole getting here early thing was pointless. Oh well.

I'm supposed to talk w/him after breakfast, which is, as usual, at 9 because it's Saturday. Man it's so weird being back at school! I know I left kinda early, most of 'Xavier's youngsters' stay on longer than average and then they do their college stuff here a lot of the time too. Seeing all of my friends here again is so strange and nostalgic… Syrin's had her braces removed and is finally letting her hair be curly- she looks good that way. Rogue and Bobby are still together but it seems a little strained. Pietr went on to art school in the area but comes back most weekends…Everything's just like it was…

Well not really. Jean's gone and Scott's devastated. He was hardly his usual boyishly charming fearless leader self on the ride over. And Logan's weird too. Course he's always weird- or gone.

And I know it may sound selfish but, the worst part is that John's not here.

It's not like we got on _great_. Ok so we did. Even though he's stupid and an ass, I really enjoyed hanging out w/him and helping to plan his pranks so they were less hazardous and more hilarious.

I feel…Melancholy. Or something…Wistfully nostalgic…Idk.

I'm off to have breakfast.

Oh Shit!! Who am I gonna sit w/now?! Ahgh! Damnit stupid John!!

Saturday Night

Ok, so meeting w/Xavier was scarier than shit!

Going into Xavier's study is still like getting sent to the principal's office. And worse than that, when I went in it was like an intervention only w/all of my teachers there looking somber and serious.

'Holy Shit' I thought because I didn't want to cuss in front of Xavier-too late.

"Who died?" I asked, then felt bad because Scott was also in the room.

Xavier said no one and I looked over at Logan whom I'd expected to be hiding a smile.

Nope. Nada, nothing. Still serious. Hmm.

So I took the proffered chair feeling quite anxious…And heard him out.

-I gotta take a break.

Later again–Really late.

So here's the deal. Things are looking bad, the world over, on the Mutant's rights issue. Xavier wants to have a different kind of relationship w/the Brotherhood. He's finally got the picture that they won't refrain from doing what they deem necessary, but he wants a more open relationship.

He called a meeting w/the X-Men and they talked it all out. Apparently my name came up.

Of course they don't want to put me in any danger, but it seems that John has a rather elevated position w/in the ranks and because we were best friends before he left, I would, logically, in theory, have the best chance of being the go between.

Great.


	2. The second

Second installment

Second installment

Monday

Had another meeting w/the X-Men. They wanted me to take Sunday to reflect and think about my decision. And it was hard.

I'm not an X-man. Xavier told me when I talked to him about it that he wanted me to go to school first, before I signed up.

"But think about it. My healing factor's almost as fast as Logan's." But he refused. I've taken a few defense classes but that doesn't amount to much. And I've heard so many horrible things about the "Terrorist group" named the Brotherhood.

But then again, it's Johnny.

It's Johnny and he's my best friend. Even if he is a jack ass and even if we haven't talked in a few months.

But I made my choice. Nothing really bad would happen. (Right?) So I told them I'd do it and they went into a flurry of strategic planning.

"We could stage a fall out and…"

"No, no that would make her like a spy, and who knows what they'd do if…"

"What if we _call_ Magneto?"

"No, he'd never agree then-"

Everyone's voices melted together as I thought about it.

Really what was the big deal? What was so hard about it? Obviously Xavier knew where they were and could give me a satellite phone. Of course if anyone else came w/me it'd be seen as an act of war or some other crap, but they couldn't really cause any lasting damage to me, and they couldn't rightly attack the X-Men just because I'd shown up.

"You guys." I called to silence the room. "Remember the SAT prep class?" I asked Xavier. "Aren't we making this out to be harder than it is?"

"This is more serious than you expect," Storm started but was interrupted by Xavier.

"No," He said in his cultured voice. "I believe she's right."

Then the plotting turned into simply planning when and how I'd arrive, what I'd do and how I'd do it.

Tuesday

They want to send me out son. I guess they set up camp closer to Canada's border so I'm packing strong (and heavy) camping clothes. Of course that just means I'm leaving anything made of silk or that's dry clean only. All of my normal clothes are getting thrown into the smallest duffle I can get and I'm only taking one pair of Vans, one pair of hiking boots and one pair of flip-flops.

I'm also going shopping with Logan!! For outdoor camping survival stuff. So later today that's what I'll be doing. I've been so busy w/meetings w/the X-Men (and all my old school friends have class when the X-Men aren't w/me) that I haven't had the chance to see my friends much.

Well, gotta go shop w/the manliest man around! I'm glad our mutations are so alike. Makes it so much easier to stand each other :P

**AN-Shopping w/Wolverine!! Tell me what you think, tell me if you want more, hell, just tell me you read it!**


	3. AN

Arrrrgh

Arrrrgh!!

Sorry I haven't updated recently!! I've been v. busy with my trip and college and my friend moving in w/me and Blargh!! Whooo…

Yeah um…probably wont post much soon either…Breaking Dawn…the last Twilight book-is coming out in six days soooooooooo, yeah. Love you anyway!

Much Love,

Ceilidh


	4. third

AN-Sorry this took so long

**AN-Sorry this took so long!**

Wen.

I'm being sent off before the week is out. Man it's just typical of my life; nothing's going on, at all, and then-from nowhere- Everything happens and it's all at once! And not just the big stuff. Leslie (a boy from my Math class) just left a message on my cell, asking me out to coffee! I don't even know him, hardly at all! And Joe from Biology left one asking me to do some bowling thing w/him. I've only been in these classes two weeks, I leave for one and suddenly I have more date proposals than I get in half a year?! (Granted, boys who know me-read from Xavier's- tend to be a little intimidated by me)

Anyway, I know this may sound a bit un-girly of me, but shopping w/Logan was so much fun!

He's lived rough so he knows what I need and other than that we're just having fun trying to decide if I should get lightweight hiking boots or winter ones. (I figured the light ones would be fine, how horrible can it be, they aren't that far north and I don't think I'll be getting frost bite anytime soon. And if I do, it'll just heal anyway.)

Of course we both had to stop ourselves from going overboard. The camp has a mess hall and showers and all that Jazz so I didn't need much.

I got a canvas tent (warmer) and stuff to cook my own meals and heat myself. A heavy duty sleeping bag and random assorted fire starters, a couple knives, dried food and military stuff in packets he swore weren't bad.

"Nuts." He said and threw bags into our purchase pile. "If you can only eat one thing it'll be nuts."

"And jerky!" I shouted almost sing-song and tossed more on.

Now we're just putting the final touches on it. Logan insists on 'working out' w/me every morning since I got here (basically him trying to teach me to fight. Ha!). Where he slips little pearls of wisdom along the way (always act more drunk than you are-wont be hard for me-always sit w/your back to the wall, trust your instincts etc.)

I feel…weird…nervous…glad I get to see Johnny again, but scared we wont be as close as we used to be. I hope I can be useful…Xavier's been pretty vague about my 'mission' (his word for it). I'm just supposed to form a friendly link between the X-Men and the Brotherhood but not spy. Ugh, I'm going to bed.

Thurs

Leaving today. I'll write when I can.

Later

We are farther from camp than calculated, Logan's staying the night to help me set up and take down camp, then I'm on my own.

Sat  


That was ridiculous! I spent the better part of yesterday either slogging through the wet forest or being man handled and interrogated!

But I did meet The. Most. Delicious. Man. I. Have. Ever. Seen. In. My. Life!

For serious, I've never felt like jumping on a guy this much! But damn! Ok I have to start at the beginning.

Logan and I were dropped at the side of some woodsy road and we headed northeast into the trees. We walked and walked and walked, he was just supposed to stay w/me until we got a whiff of someone (we were down upwind) but we never did. By the time the sun was setting we were still too far away. So we made a call to Xavier and he mind GPS-ed us to be about 17 miles away. We all decided Logan would stay the night w/me and we'd go through a trial run of all my stuff. Then in the morning, after making me demonstrate how to put the tent together by myself and how to throw a proper punch, he helped me pack it all in y new hiking backpack and walked about sic miles w/me. Then we rechecked our coordinates (and because I was worried I'd get lost-rechecked my new GPS feature in my sat for to make sure it was working) and said good bye.

"I can be out here in an hour in the jet so call me if anything gets fishy, ok kid?"

"Sure, I'll be fine." I said accepting his one armed hug before giving him a real bear hug. "Take care of yourself Logan." I knew he'd been feeling down since Alkali Lake…

"You too kid." He said gruffly but pressed his lips quick and hard to the top of my head. "If any of those assholes try anything you call me, right then, alright?"

He went on for a bit-sorta-which was his-try hard as he might-worry-wart way, before we finally parted.

It was really kinda creepy, being all alone in the woods. As soon as his footsteps-which were hard to hear anyway, even for me-and his scent disappeared it was like I was the only human on the planet.

Mutant.

Whatever.

So I marched on toward the camp, checking my DPS as I went, and whistled a lively tune.

Everything was going fine; I was even hiking alright w/o anyone to complain to. And I wasn't so scared anymore. Then suddenly I smelled some people. Mutants. I was close-about three miles out of the camp, and I started to get nervous.

I'd managed to forget while I was traipsing (and tripping a little) through the forest but now it came crashing back down on me.

I hate reality.

"I didn't know if I was supposed to make contact w/them yet, Xavier just told me to go see Mr. Lensherr when I got into camp.

Then, and it's weird because my senses are better than most everyone else's, they surrounded me.

There were about five grown men, ringing me like this was a showdown, which it wasn't, but it sure freaked me out.

So, I struggled and they overpowered me. They all but hogtied me. I think-and now this is where I'm utterly terrified-that they were going to finish it there but they noticed that I just kept healing from everything they threw at me, which isn't to say that it didn't hurt like a bitch!

"What the fuck is that?" one of them, w/an Australian accent and a tattoo asked when he saw my split lip heal.

"Fuck," said another dejectedly when he figured it out.

"Fine, we'll take her into Sabertooth, let him have her." He didn't sound happy but then he leered at me, which sent crawly itchy shivers all through me. "Too bad, but he doesn't like it when anyone else's softened up his punching bag."

'Oh God.' I thought. Everyone knew all about Sabertooth at school. He was one of Rogue's kidnappers a while back so there were rumours galore, but none of them painted him in a good light.

None of them.

Needless to say, I was sick and terrified all the way in. I tried to tell them I was supposed to talk to Magneto, but none of these people seemed to know who Xavier was. They frog marched me-violently-through the camp until they got to a big tent. Taller than most others, but not as grand as the ones a little further down the makeshift lane, and it was canvas as well.

"Oy, Sabertooth, we've got somethin' for yehs, found her spitin' acid in the forest." The Australian-who liked to talk with his ponce-ish chest thrust out like a female whore's.

"Yeah," One of the others-this guy shot spikes from his arms and they hurt like _hell_-"'n check out her healing factor. It looks fast enough to give yours a go." Then all laughed in a truly terrifying way and I heard movement inside the tent.

Fuck.

His frame took up the entire door way. I'd heard he was big but…

A growl emanated from his general direction but I was too afraid to look just yet; instead I focused on one of my captors. The guy w/the shaved head had hold of my wrist in just the right position.

I let my claws slide out from under my nail beds and dug them deep into his flesh.

Of course he screamed obscenities and tried to hit me but I dodged it, hissing like a cat.

Then they pushed me forward-yanking my arm out of socket-toward Sabertooth and I was shocked into looking up at him.

He took my breath away. I was too dazed and in too much pain to notice much of what was going on but I surmised that anyone found trespassing was to be taken to Sabertooth for punishment or…_extermination_. That snapped me out of it.

"No!" I shouted, I'm not sure if I'd passed panic yet or not. "I'm supposed to see Mr. Lensherr, Xavier sent me!"

I saw something like surprise and a bit of recognition pass over his face, but his black eyes told me nothing.

"Well," he grumbled- and oh my god is his voice sexy! - "Mags is out, so you'll just have to deal w/me instead."

Was that a sexy smirk-hardly suppressed?! Oh God! What do I do?!

I gulped-attractive.

"Oh." Frowning I tried to sound innocent and intelligent. "I was supposed to stay here for a while…" Oh Fuck, oh fuck what'll I _**do?!**_

He sent the others packing w/a look and grabbed my pack, taking it off me in a smooth move and bringing it to his nose to sniff it.

"Well, your bag's clean," then he somehow hauled me closer to him and did just about the same thing, to me. "you too." Then he, w/a massive hand on my shoulder, steered me-I don't remember telling myself to walk-into his tent.

He set my pack down in a corner then went off to grab something from another 'room' (curtained off section of tent)

"That'll be where you sleep. You don't leave the tent w/o my express permission. Don't try to run, it'll only make it worse, and I _will_ catch you. Now set up your sleep roll, it's time for dinner."

"But," I spluttered trying to form a coherent sentence and failing. I just sounded petulant, stupid, indignant and childish, not a good combo. "what?!"

"You are now my prisoner and will remain in my custody until such time as you are released."

Oh what did I get myself into?


	5. Chapter thefourth

Sun afternoon

Sun afternoon.

So I've spent the entire time here almost entirely by myself in this damned tent! And the only time I leave is w/Sabertooth, who doesn't talk and doesn't allow me to talk much either.

We go to the mess for meals sometimes and everyone stares but we just sit by ourselves, like we aren't even in each other's presence and he just looks imperiously over everyone. Argh! And he's stupidly good looking, and manly, and he's feral, and his healing factor's on the same level as Logan's so he heals even faster than I do, and he's really in tune w/his feral side and his senses, and –**STOP!!**

The guy hardly talks to you! He hardly looks at you! He's kind of an ass!

But-! Urgh!

Later

Ok I have my hormones under control now and I've stopped yelling at myself.

Anyway, this is all v. strange. V. v. strange. Why am I under tent-arrest?! It's sooo STUPID!! Ugh!

Huff Sigh

Anyway, hope Lensherr gets here soon. This Sabertooth kid's drivin' me bonkers. Absolutely mad I tell you! I'm going insane. I have tent-fever, I know it!

Sun late afternoon

Oh god. I'm just lying on my bed roll thingy. Sabertooth came in earlier for something; just grunted in acknowledgment of my existence and left.

What am I? Chopped liver? No, he wouldn't talk to icky food. An insignificant speck of humanity and mutant kind? No, everyone generally loves me at first sight…What could it be?! Why isn't he friendly?! Everyone's friendly to me! This is soo wrong!

Sun night

I'm writing in the dark so this may be illegible. My night sight, while better than most, is not good enough to write journal entries in the middle of the night.

Sabertooth came back in tonight and left after escorting me back after dinner. He just grunted/growled and told me to get ready for bed. Humph. Now he's snoring away and I can't sleep. I would call the mansion and complain, but I don't want them to worry about me when nothing's _really_ wrong. Sigh.

Mon

Eeegh!

Ok, well Sabertooth went out this morning and commanded me-on pain of death (well not really but he does like to try to intimidate me, and it almost works but DAMN he's sexy)-to stay in the tent. So I got uber bored.

Decided I'd play dress up, but, had to be v.v. creative because I'm 'roughing it' and didn't bring much w/me. Just black eyeliner, mascara, lip stain, gloss, face stuff to keep the scary sun away-even if sunburns don't last, I don't like them. Yeah… not a lot, see? No shadows or blush or anything!

Anyway did my make-up with tinted lips and cheeks, pale skin-as usual-and a slightly smoky eye. Like the fire just stared to smolder, not like I was at a club. That'd be ridiculous here.

Then I went through my bag and found my least practical articles of clothing and dressed up like a wood fairy or something of that sort. Why I packed a super-wide corset-belt may never be known but, it did cinch my floaty handkerchief mini dress nicely. And of course gladiator sandals aren't practical anywhere but my new ones were so attractive (and packable) I slipped them in before Logan could notice. Ha.

I also spent some time trimming my hair, i.e. cutting off a good two inches so it fell just around my hips; you know sometimes it's annoying having to trim my hair once a week, but my mutation does insure I don't have to deal w/horrible cuts for long.

Sabertooth still wasn't back so I tidied up my clothes mess and started doing my hair like a feral Viking runaway fairy princess ready for a perfume ad or somethin. That didn't take long-I haven't brushed it in days…it's pretty cool. So then I admired the ensemble and marveled at how the colours in my dress could pick up all the glints of blond and brown and red in my hair. Vain, yeah I know.

I was so bored I was about to pick all of the new polish off my nails (disastrous because I didn't bring anymore, damn I should have taken it off before coming) when my sexy captor came back in, long hair (it probably grows like mine…damn it's thick and gorgeous, I just wanna-) glistening from a shower (and damn did he smell good too, comforting…familiar…, curse my mutation now! Ok, not…).

He definitely gave me a look. A soft of stunned, what the hell? Where could this crazy thing have possibly come from look. I get them a lot. But can I dare delude myself into thinking his eye was a bit admiring? And lingered longer than normal on my décolleté?

Hmm…Sigh. Heh heh heh. No! Bad thoughts. He is dead sexy but I am not allowed to fantasize about my jailer. Definitely not.

Back to the story at hand; he put his towel away and then ordered me (w/a head nod and a grunt) to follow him out of the tent for breakfast. At the door flap zipper door thing he sort of hung back and held it out of way for me-not quite bowing me out-which I found very cute and sweet. Course, I know he took the chance to check me out from behind.

"Why thank you most graciously my kind sir." I said when he climbed after me, still looking at my 'outfit' funny (sure it was out of place, but I know for a fact it was amazing, even w/only my small mirror).

He grunted but, get this, _almost_ smiled! Eek! Yes, I'm gonna crack the block!

Anyway here's where it gets funny; just as we were setting off someone came out of a neighbouring-but not too close because Sabertooth's was detached-tent. A v. familiar someone.

Disregarding Sabertooth's orders to stay w/him (orders/threats, w/e) I ran toward my long absent friend.

"Johnny!" I nearly screeched, launching myself into his arms. He was startled but managed to catch me in an above ground hug just like he used to.

"Liadan?!" He yelled, just for a split second dropping his macho man attitude to act like the man-child he is. He set me back down, holding me at arm's length, I'm sure we were both beaming like complete idiots but who cares? He's my best friend.

"Johnny, I've missed you so _much_!" I was breathless and squealing all at the same time.

"Liadan, what are you doing here?!" He looked amazed, mesmerized.

"Xavier sent me to talk to Mr. Lensherr," I told him, greedily drinking in his stupid wonderfully happy infectious presence. He seemed to have matured a bit since I last saw him. Less happy-go-lucky boyish prankster, more serious man-labeled-terrorist-by-government guy.

Then a blue woman who I immediately knew was Mystique came up to him and look at me v. full of disdain before snapping that bitchy-ice flare to Sabertooth;

"Picking up stray X-Filth now Tooth? I would have thought better of you."

I felt ridiculously defensive-how dare she talk to such a sexy (though non-talkative) beast like that?

Her gaze roved to John then; "Johnny?" She said in such a patronizing tone I wanted to rip her face off. My nail-beds itched to let my claws slide out-they did a bit and I caught Sabertooth's keen eyes dart to my hands. He looked…Weird. Annoyed? Proud? Pleased? Jealous? Disconnected and above everyone and everything around him? Yeah that last one probably.

John was pissed.

I was the only one allowed to call him that, but I knew he couldn't think of anything to say and she slinked off to the big tent behind her before I could utter my numerous witty replies…or claw her face off. Smart her…bitch.

Awkward silence was partially dissipated when I queried simply, angling my body between my friend and my keeper; "Breakfast?"


	6. five

AN-You'll notice that the narrator's name is Liadan-and she acts a bit like her, though has different abilities

**AN-You'll notice that the narrator's name is Liadan-and she acts a bit like her, though has different abilities. Yep. That's pretty much it. This was one of the directions I was thinking of taking her in. If you don't get it, read my earlier stories that star her, I think I like them better than this one.**

Later

I demanded (bah, prisoners like me can do as they please) Johnny hang out with us (I knew Sabertooth would never let me out of his sight-he'd been acting ridiculously macho and alpha-dog and over bearing since the John incident. Hee hee.) So we all had breakfast together, me happily sandwiched between the two.

Sabertooth was sitting a lot closer to me and paying a lot closer attention than normal but I was practically sitting on top of John in my excitement (not that I wouldn't prefer to sit on Sabertooth but I've known Johnny longer and Sabertooth just might gut me if I tried).

"What have you been doing? What are you up to? I did the thing w/Jubes' shoes like we planned and it was brilliant!-But I wished you'd been there it would've been so much more fun!" I babbled like an idiot for a while, hardly letting him answer and totally disregarding the attention I was getting to focus toward our little corner.

"Why did you leave like that?" U demanded suddenly. Louder and more indignant (or I like to think righteously angry/appalled).

He looked awkward and didn't answer. I decided to ignore the now silent room.

"It's because you'd get more attention this way huh? And any attention's good attention. You suck Johnny!" He tried to interrupt but I kept going. "You left me all alone, w/o even saying good bye. Or! Checking to see if I was alright! Do you have any idea what they did to me at Alkali?! W/_my_ healing factor?!" He floundered for something to say but obviously couldn't get anything. "And then you disappear and don't even Myspace me! What the hell! And we had like five pranks planned out that I couldn't do on my own you ass." He knew I was partially joking, but he also knew how true everything I said was.

"Liadan…" His voice was quiet and kind of cracked. He cleared his throat and grabbed my wrist, then stood forcing me up as well. "Come on." He tried to drag me out of the room w/his stupid macho 'I'm powerful' Look back on his face. I figured immediately it was an act for everyone watching and he was gonna apologise. The Alkali lake thing seemed to really get to him-hell, he'd probably heard rumours.

But Sabertooth let out a warning type roar. We paused.

"Pyro," he growled. "Xavier's girl is still my prisoner." He reminded him.

"It's not like she's gonna escape your custody just because she's w/me Tooth."

"Are you undermining a senior officer's authority?" Sabertooth challenged. When John didn't answer fast enough he went on in a deadly voice. "Are you undermining _**my**_ authority?"

That grumbling voice was a hell of a lot scarier now and John reflexively formed a ball of fire. At that Sabertooth's claws-which look scarier than shit mind you-slid fully out.

'Oh damn.' I thought to myself then lurched between the two.

"Boys!" I called trying to break their death glare match. "Come on, lets go wash up." They ignored me. The giant took a step toward the fire-bug, his growling was a constant rumble now but no where near as comforting as, say, a purr.

"Oh fuck," I said under my breath, then I took a deep breath to steady myself and I put both of my hands around Johnny's fire ball. I managed to not let out more than a moan and a strangled squeak.

"Stop it." I said through gritted teeth while my hands slowly peeled.

"Oh, ah fuck." I dunked them in the water pitcher with a hiss. They steamed. "Now," I said, "are we finished w/this nonsensical shit?" Obviously they weren't. Both males looked a little alarmed about my hands but they were still intent on killing each other-and damn I knew who was gonna win that.

"Sabertooth," I said soothingly, putting my still peeling hands on his diaphragm (it was the best I could do, reaching up to his chest would probably hurt my hands even more and I wanted the stability of flat feet. "come on, you know you'd win this fight, so it's not even worth it." I said so quietly that only his extra sharp ears would sense it; I didn't want to hurt Johnny's feelings.

He merely grunted and pulled my hands off of his torso by my wrists, but then, he hoisted me op off of my feet, and carried me out of the mess hall, cradling me with one arm and pushing John ahead of him with the other.

When we made it to his tent he roughly pushed John through and he-rather gently-set me down. But it wasn't on my bed roll or in my usual corner-which was pretty much the only place I was allowed, but _his __**bed**_. (!)

Then he kneeled in front of me and examined my hands.

"How bad are they?" He asked. They'd already started to heal, just glistening an angry red now.

"They'll be like nothing happened by dinner time…" I answered distractedly. Why was he all of a sudden concerned about my well being? He'd never paid the slightest bit of attention before…But to have him kneeling there, between my bare legs, our faces almost level, w/his big hands cradling my small ones…It was almost entirely too romantic.

(Un)luckily, John broke the moment by pushing his way in to see my injuries for himself.

"God Liadan!" He seemed apologetic. "Why would you do that?" He demanded.

"Because," I gave him a look "you were being an idiot, again. Besides," I went on; "it's not like I haven't" and here I used my fingers to make quotation marks "'Tasted your fire' before." I reminded him with a smirk.

The memory made him break out in a grin as well, then he mumbled "Yeah, you know, I'm sorry 'bout that one too…"

We were tense for a moment then he grinned and started to snicker. Then I collapsed, throwing myself back onto Sabertooth's be, in giggles. It was just such a funny memory; we got Bobby so well the burns were worth it. Course they did hurt like a bitch…

I was lost to the world for a while there, unable to control my laughter, but once I could-to a certain extent-I noticed something that made me stop all together.

Something was definitely off. Hostile. I took a deep breath and I could smell the anger and assorted other bad scary scents so strong they almost were choking me. Of course Johnny wouldn't notice, and I felt the weight on the bet change. I sat up abruptly to a very intimidating Sabertooth.

"Uh…" I stammered. He was sitting on the edge of the cot w/his arms on either side of me; I was, in effect, trapped.

His eyes were dark glossy black but the longer I stared the more Matte and flat they turned, then a rumbling began in his chest. Now I was so scared I could have wet my pants, but he wasn't looking at me. His chest was pointed toward me, but his eyes were locked on the now sighing/eyes closed form of my friend who had flung himself on the floor.

"Um, Sabertooth?" I breathed in a higher pitched voice than normal, but he didn't answer me he just growled louder as John opened his eyes (he could hear the audible sound now) and started to sit up.

'Shit' I thought 'Sabertooth won't listen to me…!'

"Johnny," I said in a soothing voice. "keep low to the ground and don't make any sharp movements." I instructed like this was the nature channel, I prayed Sabertooth wouldn't be set off almost more than I prayed that his posturing meant what I thought it did. It looked like those nature shows where the males are challenging each other for territory-e.g.-me. "Now very slowly back out, I'll try and distract him until you're gone."

"But what about you?!" He whispered in a panicky voice which Sabertooth seemed to take more offense to than mine. Oh Fuck. I answered before he could say anything else;

"I'm fine John. You know I'll be fine, but you need to show submission and leave before you get your throat ripped out."

"Submission?!" He said in the same voice.

"Yes John! We have to submit to him or it'll just get worse now go!"

"You have to submit to him too?" His voice was getting louder and, if possible, even more panicky. "What's he gonna do to you?!"

"It doesn't matter John! But he _is _going to kill you if you don't hurry up and leave!" I tried to keep my voice soothing but it just came out as a hiss. Sabertooth started to react and I glared at John.

Johnny was almost to the door when he bumped into something and reflexively whipped around to catch it.

Bad move.

I could feel Sabertooth move before he actually did-wow that makes sense- so I did the only thing I could think of.

I thrust myself into his chest and I threw my arms up, putting my hands on his broad shoulders.

Of course I couldn't contain the hiss of pain that escaped my lips at the abuse. Thankfully that got his notice. His attention was instantly diverted from John to me.

He didn't say anything but his eyes-a different black (but still, its black)-spoke for him. There was a glint of anger, one of jealousy, but most startling, mainly they showed worry. For me. Ack!

I made a soothing noise in my throat and moved to pat his shoulder but his hands shot up and gripped me around the wrists, gently, and he moved his body forward, forcing me t move back and lean propped up against his pillows.

But he still looked upset and worried. His deliciously adorable brow scrunched up to where I felt like kissing the creases away.

But that would be wrong.

Instead I just murmured reassuringly how we were both alright and that John wasn't a threat. I don't know how long we lounged there, him rumbling and me soothing. It was sort of peaceful though…Just comforting…I rubbed my cheeks against his chest and he breathed in the scent of my hair. The tension had all but vanished and reality had ceased to exist when all of a sudden he was back. But different than I'd ever seen him. His eyes were a molted golden brown but still dark from his whole black-eyed period.

"Tell me about Alkali Lake." He said in a smooth rumbling voice, kinder than I'd heard him speak before, and, far more interested.

I shrank back into the pillows so I could see him better and he took this as a sign to move off of me. I wanted to grown at the absence of his comfortable bulk as the cold air rushed to engulf me but he just took me back up in his arms again, this time so I was leaning on him…I don't think he wanted me to analyze his expression too much, but I don't think he was ready to let me go yet either.

-Shit, he's coming back, I gotta go-


	7. sixth

AN-Sorry for the cliffy but it was a good stopping point

**AN-Sorry for the cliffy but it was a good stopping point.**

Tues

Sorry 'bout that. It was John. He wanted to make sure I was ok and apologize and ask me about Alkali Lake, ugh! I had to talk about it twice in one day! But anyway, back to the story…Where was I? Oh yeah, SABERTOOTH was _**holding **_me and asking about The. Most. Traumatic experience of my life. Lovely.

So I started the story like I'd started it for the therapist Xavier made me talk to.

"Well," I said "last year, when I was a senior at Xavier's a group of soldiers led by a member of the government named William Striker infiltrated my school and drugged and kidnapped a handful of students.

During the attack I ran downstairs, tracking Logan's scent." I paused here to explain, twisting up to look at him; "Logan is Wolverine."

"I know." He answered quietly "I know quite a bit about James 'Logan' Howlett actually, but, go on." He urged softly, I settled back into his arms and the memory.

"I tracked Logan, figuring I'd fight w/him and follow his lead. We were going at it pretty hard, the soldiers also had live ammo, not just the darts and it was the first time I'd ever been seriously injured. And it was the first time I'd ever been in a real fight, let alone killed anyone. So I guess that that'd be reason enough for me to be messed up but that's the easy part." I took a deep breath and allowed myself to be transported back, where I could feel the contrast between the clean cold hardwood floors and the warm sticky spots where blood was shed under my bare feet.

"After a while we got separated. But I could still hear him fighting so I wasn't too scared yet. I think I disabled two more guys and killed another before they finally subdued me. I still don't know how they did it. I think it was probably a combination of the stress, emotionally and on my healing factor, and the drugs they shot me with, and the injuries and blood loss. I'm surprised it took them that long; I was just running on rage and fear. Anyway, I wasn't really knocked out, but it hurt like a bitch and I couldn't move anything, not even my vocal chords.

"But I remember waking up in the back of a truck w/the others. There were about eight of us all together. Jubes'd somehow got a blanket and covered me w/it but it seems like just as soon as I was coherent enough to start planning anything w/her-we were the oldest and had the most offensive mutations-the truck stopped and they hauled us out into the snow. I couldn't even ask how long I'd been out but it must've been a few hours cause they flew up to the trucks.

"I remember how cold it was w/our bare feet and pajamas and how badly it hurt to stand up. We were lined up in the dark like we were about to be shot and I could hear one of the men telling Stryker about me. He sounded really interested and they took me away from the others. I managed to throw the blanket over to Dale before though." This is where I pulled myself from my reverie and pulled back to look at Sabertooth.

"I'm sorry." I said. "Long story short we were thankfully rescued in about 28 hours."

But he wasn't appeased and he sought my eyes until he'd locked his gaze to mine.

"Go on," He gently urged.

Again my eyes shifted to nothing and I was plunged into the past.

"They-had to carry me. After a while, my legs wouldn't work anymore and I was too cold and tired to keep going. 'Well, she's not as strong as the others but she's not as old, she isn't trained and she's female.' Striker said and I think he was taking notes. I was way too tired to fight back; I couldn't even lift my head to see where we were going.

"I was in and out for a while but eventually I remember being alone on something cold and hard for a while and then people in hazmat suits came in and started taking pictures and notes and cleaning me up and hooking me to machines…They talked about everything they had planned for me right there in front of me and…it was horrifying. They wanted to recreate the programme Logan was in; they wanted to make me into a government operated killing machine. They thought that maybe because I'd never been trained for any sort of combat they could just brain wash me and start from scratch.

"They kept working on me, only breaking for short periods of time to eat or put me in this tank that sped up my healing factor so they could experiment again. Striker thought it'd be a good idea to unhook me from the drugs they were pumping into me to sedate me for a while and see how I'd react. And He seemed pleased when I was recovered enough to try to fight…But of course I would try, even if I was that weak.

"The pain was…excruciating, and constant, and the things that they talked about!" I stopped and resurfaced into the present. I felt cold and I'd been tensed so hard for so long my whole body hurt.

"But I guess it's not_ much_ different than what they did to Logan and whoever else was in the original weapons programme." I said with a sad wry smile twisting on my face.

"Course, then again I'm a girl so it _was_ worse…way worse…" I shuddered and looked resolutely at the floor but I felt him shift and then he had a hand under my chin and he guided me to look at him. I wasn't going to say anymore, I couldn't understand why I'd said so much already, but when I say his eyes…the look in them and when he asked me to explain…so I-almost against my will-went on.

"They wanted to see how I'd react if they threatened one of the younger kids, like a maternal instinct type thing. Striker leaned down to whisper in my ear when they brought in Dale…He was only about ten then and small for his age. They had me strapped down but they buckled him in a chair and started to bustle about like they did when they experimented on me…I was almost as strong as when I'd got off the truck then…and he looked so scared…And I was so scared for him." My eyes started to mist as I remembered how helpless I was. I tried but the straps were so thick, and I wasn't really thinking normally, I'd retreated back into my mind and I was really feral then…so I don't remember much but I know that when I snapped one of the straps they shot me w/a rhino tranquilizer.

"When I woke up Dale was gone and I didn't smell any blood but my own so that was good but…They'd changed the table…There were stirrups w/straps on them and a whole bunch of weird gynecological tools…Striker said he wanted to see how I'd participate if he had my own 'offspring' in his custody and he wanted to see how the 'offspring' would turn out if he 'bred' me with one of the old experiment's 'samples' and then a hazmat suit came in with some vials on a tray and then they left for a while to prep or something…"

I came partially out of the past-just a detached witness to the atrocities that happened as I went on.

"Can you imagine how horrible and terrifying that was? I'd never even had a boyfriend and here they were planning to impregnate me so they could manipulate my child and me…" I shuddered. "And then it had to get even more complicated because I could tell the scents of the samples apart. There were three of them, one was urine so I have no idea what they were going to do w/that and the other two were…not.

"They were like the cups at sperm banks I guess but one of them was labeled 'Wolverine' and I knew it _was _really Logan's... and the other one…" I straightened immediately like a snapped bow string, pushing away from him. I nearly tripped as I tried to straighten myself and sort out everything. Now I knew why he had smelled so familiar-and it was just before we were rescued that I'd first had his scent so it was almost comforting.

"The other one said 'Sabertooth.'" I said like an accusation and a revelation all at once, my voice somewhere between a shout a hiss and a whisper. "Oh my God" I said to myself then went on louder; "You were part of Weapon X too! Weren't you?! And they were-and me and you-and that's why-AHH!!" I felt light headed and very, very strange. He was hovering around me like he knew I was about to faint. He caught me and lowered me back onto his bed before anything bad could happen.

He didn't say anything in words but I knew he was asking if everything was alright. I just groaned in response. So he held me and we sort of awkwardly rocked back and forth for a while. This time he was comforting me; his hand traveling a path down my back, smoothing my hair from crown to hip. Really it was just tangling us up in a net together.

For what could have been forever-time had stopped again- we just sat together, my face pressed into his shoulder/chest, his arms around me and his chest rumbling soothingly-if I didn't know better I'd say he was purring.

Finally I spoke again; "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I just normally try not to think about it…And now I know you-I mean I don't really know you or anything-so thanks for being so nice and everything-but it's just…I don't know! Everything about Alkali and Striker and Weapon X is so confusing.

"…Logan nearly had a heart attack when they found me…He's like my brother or something, one of my best friends, I know he feels kind of responsible. And it was just such a miracle that he found me before they could do anything but run some fertility tests-which is stupid cause they wouldn't get the results for a while but they planned on insemination within the next 24 hours and Logan was so shocked and pissed and terrified when he found out the plan and he discovered his 'samples'" Finally I took a breath. "God, I'm sorry…I guess I ramble in these circumstances…" I tried weakly to laugh but I'm pretty sure it failed miserably.

So I straightened up and pulled away a bit- Oh why?!-and tried to wipe the tears that had leaked from my eyes away.

"Thank you," I said w/both a frown and a smile. "I'm sorry about your shirt." I noticed a big wet patch where my face had been but he just shrugged and grunted as if to say 'no big deal' or 'I'm glad I could help'.

Then I floundered for a it before lamely making up an excuse to get out of there. I was really beginning to feel foolish.

"Thank you for…Yeah thank Sabertooth, um, d'you think I could go take a shower now?" I asked.

He cleared his throat and (reluctantly?) set me on my feet. "Yeah, 'course."

We walked in silence to the shower stalls. His solid presence behind me felt good. It was weird having this like to someone I'd always expected to fear. But he didn't scare me anymore, hell I had my back to him and I'd cried my eyes out while he just held me! He didn't scare me, just his being there made me feel safe. It was nice. And having things all out, off my chest…I'd only ever told the bare bones account of it all, like I was giving a report instead of telling someone about something that happened to me.

Now at the door to the showers it was my turn to clear my throat.

"Thank you Sabertooth, I'm sorry I unloaded and freaked out on you but thanks for being a man about it." This time my smile was much more successful and I got an almost-smile from him in return. (!)

"You don't have to apologize, I'm sorry fer making you relive it, but I needed to know and I think it's better for you this way. I'd heard about what happened to you," he was shuffling his feet like a little boy " and I figured it'd be better for you to talk about it and…I needed to know cause I was there too, a long time ago." He sort of fizzled out and we both kinda smiled and I turned to go bathe when he called out for me;

"Wait, hey Liadan," He'd never said my name before…weird. "It's Victor!"

I just looked at him, puzzled and let out a 'huh?' kind of sound.

"My name's Victor! Victor Creed." He said more quietly (so no one would hear him I'm sure) "Call me Victor."

Sigh


	8. Chapter the seventh

Wed Morning

Wed Morning

So not a lot happened yesterday. Evidently Magneto's due back to camp in the next couple days but I'm still bunking w/Sabertooth. 'Scuse me, Victor. Hee hee it makes me feel all warm and glowy and smiley inside to think it. I mean, who else gets to call Sabertooth by his name? No one as far as I know. Tra la la!

Ahem, anyway I was gonna tell you about our picnic.

Well we ate alfresco anyway.

Victor (!) and I got tired of everyone looking at us so we (and Johnny of course) took our lunch out side. The camp is situated s that the mess hall and showers as well as the medic and supply/registration type tents form a square (where we were eating) and the resident's tents fork off of that square w/the head's tents (Victor Johnny, Mystique-hiss-and Magneto and well the head of the Morlocks and some others whom I haven't met yet) all down the western arm. So we were basically seated at the camp's main thoroughfare looking out on everyone as they went about their business. Now that Victor and I were actually talking everything flowed so much easier; he and John were actually talking about what was going on and what needed doing.

And it was pretty funny to see people come up (especially to Victor as he's obviously the intimidation and important one) and pay their respects-like this is some sort of feudal situation-which I guess it kind of is…

"Hey Victor," I spoke coming out from a reverie. He didn't have to turn to acknowledge me; he was already angled my way. "What's with the tattoos?" I nodded toward a group of people w/what looked like a Greek letter tattooed on parts of their bodies.

"It's a mark that the Morlocks use to show their pride in their mutant hood, it marks them as a Morlock."

"Oh, hmm…" I answered letting the gentle sun turn my mind to mush.

Just about then John thought it'd be funny to steal my second carton of milk.

"Hey!" I yelled as he made to open it. He just smirked and laughed and held it over my head.

"Want me to take care of it?" Victor so sweetly offered. I think he still had a little hankering to kill John for some reason.

"Thanks but no, I've got this one." Then I jumped on him.

Good thing John hadn't opened it yet; we ended up wrestling all over the grassy, dirty patch we'd staked out, getting filthy and not using our powers.

"Saint John! Sin-Jun, Johnny-Ass-Hat!!" I called "That is _my_ precious milk and you know it!"

"You gotta be able to reach it if you want it Danni."

"DON'T Call Me DANNI!!" I hate that name! "And you have to have working genitalia to do a lot of things so give me back my MILK!"

We spent a few more minutes laughing and sparing before I got the mangled, leaking carton back.

"Ha!" I raised the prize over my head in victory but made a face as the liquid ran down my arm to my armpit and into the bikini top I was wearing as a bra. "Ew! Now go get me a new one." I demanded.

"No!" He laughed back at me. So, I made indignant noises and threw the soggy carton at his head. Oh course I missed and it went spiraling toward his groin.

"Oh shit! God. Johnny!" I squeaked but he insinerated it before it even had a chance. I sunk wearily back to the ground with a relieved sigh.

"Eaugh…Now it smells like burnt milk." John wrinkled up his nose and sat down by me.

"Gro-oss" I sing-songed and lay my head on his lap.

Victor had been watching this whole thing with interest and-I'm sure- amusement and our childish antics but now that we'd settled down-or maybe now that my head was so close to John's junk and he was playing w/my hair!?-he seemed ready enough to break it up.

"Liadan," he almost barked but was just too sexy for that. "let's get you showered up before you start to stink like some frail cub." He stood and put his hand toward me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." I said now resting on my elbows, my eyebrows raised. "You're not saying you're going to help in this 'bathing experience' are you?"

"What?" He asked w/a mystified/terrified frown.

"You said 'let's' get me showered, you filthy man you." I joked. Realization dawned on his face and he joked back.

"Well, just because I'd like to see you bear my cubs, doesn't mean I'm gonna let someone else sow the seeds, we'd better practice if I wanna get you knocked up soon."

I paused with a frown of my own. "Um…Was that supposed to be a compliment, or a proposition, or a weird joke, or what?" I asked lightly as I could, then I tried to joke by raising my best 'Logan eyebrow' and asking "Should I be flattered or offended?"

Victor pulled me up and shook out the blanket I'd laid out but when he turned back to me it was like the rest of the world-Johnny too-melted and it was just us. I know, cliché right?

"How, after al they did, can you be so…normal? How have you managed to hold onto your…your humanity?" He pretty much marveled as we stared at each other. I shrugged, embarrassed by his attentions.

"It's just a part of who I am, it's a part of my past. I try not to let it take over, I mean sure I'm suspicious of the government and I try to be more prepared but, I can't let that rule my life. I have to keep being who I want to be, otherwise…they win."

"Damn," He said "you…are…wow."

I glowed. It's certainly something to make the mighty Sabertooth speechless, let alone complement you.

Then I giggled a bit. "That's no reason to want me to have your babies." The mood lifted and slowly the world came back into better focus. "Now, about that shower…"


	9. Chapter eight

Wed Evening

**AN-In case I haven't said it before or you haven't gotten it yet, what w/all the people here when they shouldn't be…this is a bit AU. Enjoy.**

Wed Evening

Um…yeah, so I kinda got into a little tussle after my shower…I heard Victor talking to some guys on my way out but I didn't think anything of it…Then when I came out the door w/a towel on my head (still didn't cover all my hair, ugh) I noticed who it was.

Victor was glowering at the men who brought me in, with his arms crossed over his chest (and I could just hear the beginnings of a growl).

"Ah, 'ere she is." Said the dumb ass Australian; he really wasn't setting out a good image for his country men. They had obviously been talking about me and by Victor's expression, he didn't approve.

"How's 'er factor treatin' you then?" The man said with a bit more winking an elbow jabs than necessary. Then he went on to make even more blatantly sexual comments and I could tell Victor was not amused and I-under normal circumstance-would have been worried that a man w/that expression might hurt the other men.

However, right now…I wanted to do it myself.

"I got it." I growled lowly w/a staying hand on his chest before I slinkily stalked forward to the assholes-a twisted smile on my face, that would almost say 'come hither' in a different light. I could feel my eyes glinting evilly and going black.

…I won't really go into it, but…uh, one or two of the guys are in the med tent now getting patched up…I managed to not annihilate them though! You should totally applaud my self restraint.

Now I've showered again-blood you know-and put on a few temporary bandages, nothing bad, I'll me fine in a little bit. But…Victor seemed…a bit impressed…I don't think that he thought I had it in me to hold my own in a fight-even after I told him about Alkali. And he also seemed a little, I don't know, angry that I _did_ take care of myself. Like he wanted to do it himself. Men!

He's been really weird since we started talking. And he's made a few more odd comments like the baby thing…It's all v. strange. And the way he looks at me sometimes…I mean, I like it, it feels way better, the way he looks at me than the way other guys do sometimes, but its…just kinda weird, and unnerving, I don't know how to process it. Ugh! Why isn't he a normal man!?

Sometimes I just wish things were simpler…like more old fashioned-Not that I'd let someone tell me who I was going to marry but…I kinda think it'd be easier…ugh! What the hell am I talking about?!

Thurs Morning

Oh My God!!

Whoo! Sorry. I woke up and rolled over this morning and Victor was staring right at me! He was just laying there on his cot, on his side, staring at me!!

At least he seemed a little embarrassed-read, more gruff than usual.

Geeze!

Then he just got up and grabbed his towel and left me here. Ugh! What the hell! Why? What was he staring at? Why was he staring at me?! I don't have a ginormous zit or anything. The only thing I can think of it that maybe my night gown was askew…But he surely wouldn't have been looking all contemplation-y if he were ogling my boob! Would he?!

Gah! What the hell, I'm supposed to be an emissary of something! I am NOT supposed to be caught in some weird non dating-terrorist involved-non crush-crush-thing! Blargh!!

Thurs Evening

I'll write later; Magneto's back in camp and he brought someone w/him… (!)

Sat

Holy God.

It's been kind of a crazy few days. I'm sort of in shock.

Mr. Lensherr came back to camp Thursday and brought someone calling themselves the Phoenix w/him… but she's totally Dr. Grey. We were outside to greet him when he flew in (Mystique went to get him) me by Victor-as his prisoner/Xavier's emissary-and Johnny on my other side w/the Morlock lady-Calypso.

When they got off the little plane I almost had a heart attack. There she was, hardly changed, just with longer hair, she didn't look a day older that the day we thought her dead.

"Jean?!" I shouted/gasped. Surely I'd gone mad, but everyone else saw her too. I took a step to run over to meet her but Victor wrapped an arm around my waist to stop me and gave me some sort of significant look, kind of worried too. Then Magneto came forward and greeted Victor, John, and Calypso. Before he could ask about me I locked eyes w/my old teacher/doctor.

"Jean?!" I breathed.

But instead of the usual gaze I remembered from school her eyes hardened-went black in an entirely different way than mine or Victor's did and she looked purely evil.

This wind picked up unnaturally and her voice was not her own, but demonic; "You can't tame me!" I felt a thousand knives tear at my body, and I cried out in surprise and pain. Suddenly I couldn't breathe and my heart hurt, struggling for each beat. But I couldn't move and I couldn't look away…

"Jean!" I exclaimed half way between a shout and a gasp with the little breath I had left "Stop! What are you doing?" I couldn't believe, or process what was going on.

Thankfully Victor put himself between us after a while. I felt Jean's hold on me break and I crumpled to the ground. I don't know how they got her to stop but when Victor knelt down beside be to see if I was alright I noticed the blood pooled at our feet. At first I thought it was all his, he'd taken a blast from the imposter as well but I could see the tiny tears and lacerations on his face and arms healing up.

But he handled me so carefully when he helped me to stand I realized that I was still bleeding quite a bit. He scooped me up as gently as he could and turned to leave (probably back to the tent) when Magneto stopped him.

"Who is this?" he asked Victor quietly.

I answered for my self. "Liadan Black. Xavier sent me."

Lensherr froze for a moment w/a strange look on his face then turned to Victor like he couldn't handle me and asked him like he was talking to himself; "Who is she? Not Charles lasted this long against the Phoenix."

-Hang on a minute, Johnny's here.

Later

Johnny came to sit w/me for a while.

Evidently Mags gave him a bit of a chastising-like Xavier used to give us. We're both a little shocked now that we realize; Charles Xavier, the man who took us in and took care of us, above and beyond what anyone else would, is dead.

Not only that, but that bitch who used to be like a daughter to him, was the one who killed him.

I hate her.


	10. nine

Sat Evening

Sat Evening

Victor and I just came back from a meeting w/the heads.

I was allowed to sit in on the debriefing but so was Jean, and sitting so close to her…My eyes were full black and my hair was on end the entire time, I could just barely keep my slaws sheathed because Victor had a hold of both of my hands under the table.

We had to call the debriefing short though because I mentioned Scott and she freaked out…I think she killed him too. This is so unreal.

And now w/out Xavier, my job is pretty much done. I turned my phone back on and tere was a message from Storm telling me what had happened. She said my 'mission' was kind off moot now and that I could come home whenever I wanted, but she didn't know how long the school'd stay open. She sounded really down. She was never my favourite teacher but I know that the school and Xavier were really important to her.

So I mo longer have a job to do. I dropped out of college and moved out of my dorm back into Xavier's and now I have no idea what to do.

-Hang on, Victor's back from talking to Lensherr.

Sun

So, um…I have an interesting choice lying ahead of me.

Last night when Victor came back in he said he'd OK'd my acceptance into the Brotherhood and I could stay w/him if I wanted-which was really quite sweet of him. No ones taken care of me like him for a while, well, no ones taken care of me like_ him_ but…

He said he "Kinda liked havin' me around" and that he'd "Kinda gotten used to" me, w/a bunch of macho disclaimers, but I find he's really easy to read between the lines with. I even understand his grunts. But, uh, yeah.

He said there was a lot of crazy shit going down in the outside world-obviously not his words but w/e. He told me about this 'cure' and how they'd made it into a weapon and all this crazy stuff. He said Magneto's looking at it as if his war was imminent. Victor told me he wasn't sure if he agreed w/Lensherr's principles and practices anymore but I could stay w/him while we were w/the Brotherhood and then one thing led to another and we were kissing lying on his extra long cot w/our arms wrapped around each other, locked together.

His lips were so…soft and hard and delicious. Agh! I don't even know how to describe it. And then when we pulled back to breath he kind of sighed/moaned and threw his face down into my hair on his pillow beside my head and said, v. muffled and strangled, that he wanted to leave, go live legit somewhere, and he wanted me to come with him. Eeegh!!

Evidently he has a few houses around the world "Nothin' fancy, we'd have to get 'em cleaned up before we could really move in, but it's a roof, a decent roof wherever you choose…If you want to come with me…"

God he was so adorable! And I guess he has some money saved up from all of his illegitimate jobs and he has some random jobs he's had for years as well as a few companies that he owns and some real estate. Holy crap!

I told him-and this was really hard because I wanted to jump on him and scream 'Marry me!!'-that we should probably really think about it. And plan things out because he was marked as a deceased terrorist and my parents would flip a bitch if they heard I'd dropped out of school to 'live in sin' with some guy I'd just met.

Oh god, he seemed to really not like the whole 'Live in Sin' part but he let that lie and instead told me that wherever we went he'd make sure I had the best education. (!) Ah!

I don't know what to do, I don't want to end up like my divorced parents who don't even talk, who got married on kind of a whim. Of course, they were expecting my brother at the time but the whole baby thing was spontaneous and they didn't want him to be a bastard…

Damnit. If I lived w/Victor it'd only be a matter of time before we had an accident!! Ugh! And I don't really think he's the settling down type. Of course he has surprised me before…

Wed

Logan was here. I could smell him, and Jean-the-bitch-devil was acting strange and Mags was kinda pissed of looking. There is a new tensing in the air and I don't like it. Johnny's being a stupid little boy, looking forward to the fighting w/a stupid gleam in his stupid eye. Ugh. I called Storm and told her I'd stay w/the Brotherhood for a bit longer but I wouldn't hang around for the fighting. She seemed appeased but distracted. No wonder. If Logan was here then she's all alone there, running things by herself…Why didn't Logan come to see me?!

I've decided what I'm going to do.

Last night while I was lying in bed (I've been sleeping next to Victor, but that's it, I'm too scared to take it farther right now) w/Victor's arm around me, fiddling with our entwined hair when I decided that he would be a good mate…if it came to that…I already think of him as my best friend. And…I want more. I want _**him**_. If it doesn't work out…yeah that'd suck it'd be horrid, but if I don't try, I'll never know, right?

If it came to us, being together…He would be a good mate for me. We understand and like each other (quite a bit) and he'd be a good provider and protector. And he'd also be a good, strong, loving father to our children. If we had any…

But I've decided. I want him and I'll follow him wherever he decides to take us.


	11. 10

Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Sat

Wow, it's been two years since I last wrote hasn't it? Whoops. Sorry.

I've been busy.

I just reread the last bit and it really made me smile to remember. I was so tense about how I felt for Victor in those early days I wouldn't even try to describe it or puzzle out in my own journal…tsk tsk :)

Oh well, I didn't write because just a few days after my last entry we left for Seattle where the mutant community had more support at the time and where Victor had a house out side the city and a business inside.

It was hard while we were setting up our little home. I didn't have a job and I didn't know how to do house-wifely things so I felt like a burden, but I kept trying and once Victor realized that's how I was felling he made sure to go out of his way to show me how useful I was and how much he _wanted_ me there.

It kind of took me by surprise though when he asked what kind of wedding I wanted. He'd always just seemed so content the way we were-well of course we both wanted it to be more physical but I was afraid we'd end up like my parents. But after a few weeks (probably a month and a half) of living in the same home we started planning out wedding. My parents did freak out but they never really understood my mutation so they used that as some sort of reason. Of course that's one of the things I love about Victor, he's like me and he probably won't die on me anytime soon.

The wedding was smallish because I didn't want to deal w/a lot of crap; I just wanted to be married to Victor (and he wouldn't let me elope). My family came and so did Rogue, Bobby, Peter and Dale. Of course Logan and Johnny came too, that was a bit awkward…And Magneto was there as well…It was a v. strange mix but everyone seemed to manage to stay calm for us. –It was weird, Logan and Victor used to work together, and since Logan had his mind unlocked (I think partially Rogue's fault hee hee :)) he remembered what good friends they used to be. Everything was very simple but Victor surprised me with how nice everything was. He _had_ stored up quite a bit of money in his life time…It was sort of unnerving until I got used to it.

Now I'm going to U of W and Victor and I are planning a family. He wants a 'cub' so badly, and so do I. I know I'm young, but I'm ready.

I did get pregnant about four months ago but we lost it. I had just started to feel something (of course Victor had smelled the change way before I could feel anything) and then my period came, just as if the cub never existed. It was really hard at the time, but we're getting through it and trying again.

Most of all I've been too busy settling down into the swing of my own household…and enjoying the love I feel for Victor and that he (miraculously) returns to me. It took me forever it seems to let my guard down, to believe him when he told me he loved me, but as soon as I did, all of this…_emotion_ came spilling forward like it had just been waiting for me to accept how much I love him.

I was worried at first that maybe I'd been too hasty making decisions, but through it all, I would never want things any other way.


End file.
